“You get what you tolerate” – Dr. Henry Cloud
[Author of the book Necessary Endings which I HIGHLY recommend reading]
Do you feel pressured? Controlled? You’re in a situation where someone has gone too far, they overstepped your limits and you’re panicked. Not sure what to do. A fire grows and burns inside of you because you feel manipulated, weak, and helpless.
Some ‘characteristics’ include having trouble being assertive; having a hard time saying ‘no’ and overcommitting to people and things; and being easily influenced by others.
“People will treat you as you allow them to,” something I’ve learned in my personal life from my unhealthy codependent relationships and something I’ve taught my clients.
So now what, Dani??
First, it’s important to understand what boundaries are. Consider them like your home. I usually ask my clients, “who would you invite to your porch? …to your living room?..to your kitchen?..Who would you allow into your bedroom?” There are different boundaries with different people and situations. You may not invite the person you invite into your living room into your bedroom, see what I mean? These walls help protect us from other people violating us.
Why should I care about ‘personal boundaries’?
Because I said so! Haha, just kidding! Having healthy personal boundaries creates balance in physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health. And, as I always say, I’m a believer that if this balance is achieved and checked into regularly, then the need to fill our ‘hole’ or void (with unfulfilling relationships, alcohol, food, shopping, etc) is managed. Lack of these personal boundaries can lead to low self worth/value/self esteem (and down a whole lot of other problems…a discussion for another blog).
How do I tell if I have poor personal boundaries?
– You don’t speak up about how you feel or what you think about things (especially if you’re mistreated).
– You agree with others when you feel like disagreeing.
– You say “yes” when you really want to say “no.”
– You feel taken for granted by other people.
– You feel the need to be liked.
– You feel guilty when other people are unhappy (as if it’s your fault).
– Deep down inside you know you worry about what others think of you.
Does any of this ring a bell? If so, check out my article here on How to Create Personal Boundaries, where I expand on this further… (this is a topic dear to my heart)…If it doesn’t ring a bell, hang with me anyway because you may be able to pick up some self awareness to support your ALREADY healthy lifestyle
Also, check out my YouTube video on Communication as a Way to Stand Up For Ourselves, as it may be of additional support:https://www.youtube.com/embed/zCh8EGhNmHc?
love always,
dani
