Happy Holiday and Happy New Year loves!

I wanted to share with you my personal reflections, not just of this past year, but also comparing who I am today to who I was years ago. What’s happened to me and changes. The pandemic has encouraged me to be in a reflective mode, in a gratitude mode.

If you don’t know who I am, my name is Dani La Barrie, I’m a Licensed Psychotherapist & Happiness Transformation Coach. I teach I teach unfulfilled women effective tools to build confidence and feel worthy again whether post break up, single, or in a relationship.

This is sort of a prelude to the Wheel of Life packet process, CLICK HERE for your FREE copy. If you enjoy this article, then you’re really going to enjoy the reflection process I share in my Wheel of Life packet. Please share this article with anyone you think who can benefit from this information.

I want to take you back to between 2010 and 2015. I was feeling really unhappy, overwhelmed working, working at multiple treatment centers. I would hop from one unfulfilling thing to another. I would overcommit, tell everyone yes when I really meant no. I was successful “on the outside” but wasn’t really feeling solid in myself. I had poor boundaries when it came to really taking care of myself (not just nails and massages) but standing up for myself, expressing myself, communicating, saying what I meant and meaning what I say.

I considered myself independent, but I wasn’t TRULY to my core. I still found myself trying to control situations or outcomes or relationships. I didn’t want to live like this anymore.

I knew I wanted to be more detached in my life and feel fulfilled from the inside without needing anything or anyone. I knew that maybe this was possible; I could eventually get to this place.

I followed a lot of people I admire and that inspired me on social media. But I didn’t really quite know HOW I was going to become this interdependent, healthy, confident woman. These people that I followed and that inspired me, I felt like I didn’t quite have what THEY have or what am I missing? I didn’t fully comprehend the work I’d need to do on myself and my negative thinking, my habits, my integrity with myself, to EMBODY this vision I had for myself, and what’s really required.

In 2015-2018, things started to shift…I knew that what I was doing wasn’t working. And that my current way of thinking and living wasn’t going to get me to where I wanted to be. I started going to vision board workshops, yoga retreats, reading self help books, listening to podcasts, attending personal growth and development trainings. That’s when I started to see what was really possible with these uncomfortable shifts I was making.

And 2015 to 2018 were good years when it came to the ways I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, out of my box…I published my first book in 2018, I transitioned out of working out of treatment centers, I hit fulfilling fitness benchmarks. Not quite to where I was living a truly aligned, honest, fulfilled life, but really close.

So I’m comparing where I was then to where I am now because I knew that I needed to change. I knew that I needed to grow. And I was making the strides then which is why I saw success and results then. But compared to where I am now, there are significant differences. So I want to share those reflections with you:

Boundaries – saying “no” when I mean no – whether that’s regarding work, my intimate relationship, friends, family. Practicing not feeling bad, guilty, or people pleasing. Being okay with letting people go (those who have a difficult time respecting and honoring my boundaries). This really allowed my life to shift immediately because ‘no’ is an answer too. Not everything is a yes. When I’m working with my clients on getting clear on their boundaries (because first we need to know what they are before we can express them), then communicating boundaries, they begin to see an immediate shift in their life because their life and external environment begins to be a truer, more accurate reflection of their heart and soul’s desires when they stop allowing things that don’t feel good to them. And I know someone listening to this, may be having that same struggle, right? Their family or friends or people that they know – they get cornered into agreeing into things constantly by them. Or they end up feel resentful for over committing. They can’t figure out why they never have enough time for themselves, or ANY time for themselves. Type a 1 in the comments if you can relate.

Mindset work is a part of my daily regular routine – journaling, meditating, listening to podcasts, reading, personal growth, shadow work, getting grounded, healing things that you didn’t even know needed to be healed. We all have things in the past that we need to let go of; that you didn’t even think could affect you or was a big deal but it’s sabotaging how you’re showing up in your life and in your relationships. If you’re reading this there is something that you know you need to be doing or a decision you know you need to make that you are not making. That you’re continuously hesitating on. That you consistently push back – now is not a good time…I gotta wait..now I can’t do it….my significant other…I’m so busy.. stop waiting until you have your breakdown to work on your mindset. Why not step into it while you’re strong, and have the momentum, so you can step into that abundance and keep that energy flowing high. Why wait until you’re at rock bottom to then decide to do the hard work. When you’re at rock bottom, your goal is just to get up a little bit. But when you’re already standing up tall, then you’re looking to elevate.  Some people alleging that they’re doing the work, and not actually doing the work.
Back then, I used to be very reactionary, now I’m more proactive.

In 2017/2018 I was investing because I was desperate. Back then I felt like I had no other options or felt like I didn’t really know what else to do. Granted, making those choices helped me but having that perspective and outlook was the wrong one to have. I’m a natural hard worker, I love exploring and being coachable…but there are people who feel that making the investment IS the work. Writing the check is the easy part, the actual hard work is SHOWING UP and allowing yourself to be coached… facing your ego/shadow, befriending it.  We don’t want to acknowledge how much we are in our own way. So when we invest in this place from desperation, we can impact/affect our own results. Present day, I invest because I know the VALUE of it. There is no not investing. Because I know that I am sowing a seed in my growth. And trust that I am going to show up and reap the rewards of that. I have a practice full of clients, and I make sure I’m still attending business building coaching calls with my business coach and my own therapy sessions with my therapist.  Always looking to grow and how I can be better, stronger, more efficient, sharper. What got me here won’t get me there.

When we’re talking about investing at any level, and we’re not talking about dollars and cents here; we’re talking about the quality and VALUE of the investment and how you’re choosing to show up and maximize the investment. Are you asking questions? Are you allowing yourself to be fed. Many of you reading this, the concern isn’t you being led down the wrong path…my concern is you’re not receiving…and you continuing to delay what you need to be doing, where you need to be.

Getting more comfortable with fear As I continue to grow and evolve, something that never changes is fear. I still get a little nervous, I still experience some of those emotions – I like to consider emotions as energy in motion. And I also break down to myself that excitement and nervousness feels the same. The difference between who I am today versus who I was 2017/2018, is that I realize that fear doesn’t go away and that I need to get comfortable with the emotion.

I want to equip you with a tool, especially as we’re going into the New year, that you can use to help you reflect on your life.

𝙏𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙡 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙤𝙘𝙘𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙪𝙨, 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙚’𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙖 𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣

When life feels really overwhelming for me, I like to “zoom out” and start by exploring the different areas of my life (I’m kind of a checklist person lol)

 𝗕𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀/𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗿
 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀
 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵
 𝗙𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆/𝗙𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀
 𝗥𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲
 𝗦𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆
 𝗙𝘂𝗻/𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
 𝗣𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗘𝗻𝘃𝗶𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁

This helps me get clear in seeing where I’m actually at and where my intentions need to be redirected to.  My Wheel of Life packet gives a little support or guidance with getting grounded, self exploration, and assessing  what area(s) need your attention.  Download my 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗟𝗶𝗳𝗲 Packet for 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 to support you in getting grounded on where you are and how to begin getting you where you’d like to be..especially as we move into 2022.
Click here to grab yours now:  https://mailchi.mp/6ca37c5e97fc/wheel-of-life

love always,
dani

___________

p.s. Whenever you’re ready… here are a couple of ways you and I can connect beyond this blog:

1. Grab a copy of my Amazon Bestselling book,  Stories of an Ex-Party Girl: How to feel happy and good about yourself without alcohol and drugs  It’s a tell all guide on how to create a joy-filled life, without needing validation and fulfillment from other things or people. You can grab it on Amazon and on Kindle. — Click Here.

2. Join our FREE community! The 𝘈𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 Lounge is a community; a resource to improving the quality of your life and cultivating self love. We discuss topics on how to manage waves of intense challenging emotions, being able to navigate conflict, express feelings better, get clear on and establish boundaries, and improve communication and relationships.